


Dog Treats

by lambkind



Series: Who the heck keeps hiring this guy!? [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Pre-Undertale, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 01:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8383426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lambkind/pseuds/lambkind
Summary: Sans and Doggo get blazed, then get caught.





	

**Author's Note:**

> If you think anything in this story contradicts canon, call me out!

Sans blew a thin cloud of smoke from between his teeth, then leaned back against the rough boards of the sentry station.

"damn dude," he said, eyeing the dog treat held loosely between his fingers. "this is some weird shit." As he watched, a smoldering piece of it fell from the tip and landed with a wet hiss in the snow. Doggo let out his own cloud of smoke and rapped his knuckles against the wood.

They were sitting inside Doggo's station with their backs to the front counter. Sentry duty could be agonizingly dull. Sometimes Sans went to hang out with Doggo. Sometimes, he played _pranks_ on Doggo, which was always funny. But Doggo never stayed angry, and sometimes they just chilled out together.

Sans stared out at the snow-laden trees and felt the buzz of the dog treat settle into his brain. He put his hands behind his head and let his eyes fall closed.

"Think we'll actually see a human one of these days?" asked Doggo.

"buddy, i hope not. all hell's gonna break loose around here."

Doggo nudged him in the ribs. "Aw, c'mon. Don't you wanna get to the surface?" When Sans didn't answer, Doggo went on. "And besides, capturing a human… What an opportunity to impress Undyne."

Sans grinned and cracked an eye open. "you too, huh?"

"Dude. She's totally hot."

"what!" said Sans, laughing. 

"Don't even deny it," said Doggo. "Why do you think your brother follows her around everywhere like a puppy? He's got it for 'er, definitely." 

Huh. Sans was pretty sure that wasn't the case… but he'd never really thought about it before, either. He found the idea vaguely distressing.

He took another long pull on the dog treat, then passed it back to Doggo. "so ol' fishsticks is your type, huh?"

"Hell yeah," said Doggo, "I'd let her put a leash on me _any_ day."

"gross," said Sans, grinning. "hey, speaking of papyrus… you notice him acting weird lately, or anything?"

"I dunno, man. Well… Actually, now that you mention it…" Doggo tapped his muzzle with one claw, thoughtfully. "I did see him sneaking into the woods the other day. I mean, y'know. Usually he walks around like he owns the place. But this…" He narrowed his eyes. "This was definitely sneaking."

"hmm," said Sans.

" _What_ do we have here?"

Sans and Doggo both jumped—Doggo actually yelped—and they turned to see Undyne standing at the counter, arms crossed and expression murderous.

"Undyne!" Doggo whined. "H-how long were you—"

She snatched the dog treat out of his fingers, threw it to the ground, and crushed it contemptuously under the heel of her boot.

"If I catch you doing this shit again," she snarled, "I am seriously gonna kick both your asses! You won't be able to walk straight for a week!"

Doggo could not contain a snort of perverse laughter at her words.

"Shut the hell up!" she yelled, pointing at him. "And _you_ ,"—she pointed at Sans—"get back to your own station!"

"alright alright, jeez," said Sans. He began to walk down the path with Undyne, looking back at Doggo with an apologetic shrug.

"Honestly, why do you guys do this stuff?" Undyne asked.

"hey, maybe you should try it sometime," said Sans. "might take the edge off."

"No thanks."

"gills too sensitive?" he teased.

"Oh shut up, you dweeb," she said, rolling her eyes.

Sans laughed, but when he next spoke, his voice was a little more serious.

"hey, uh, don't tell papyrus about this, ok?"

He regretted the words the minute they were out of his mouth. He'd just given her obvious blackmail material, and judging by the gleeful look on her face, she knew it. Way to go, genius.

**Author's Note:**

> When you're trying to write a serious scene but you have to type "dog treats" like six times.  
> o|-<


End file.
